Late. Not tired yet. An amazing thing will occur tomorrow...a day off!!!! This is the reality of owning your own business. You work a lot. A lot a lot. But it all is meaningful when it is for the purpose of your own ideas and path. So I take responsibility for being such a perfectionist workaholic. And it is about to change, because really life is too short to work so damn much, even if I do love my business. I miss my friends, I miss my family, chill time, time to read, dream, go out or stay in, ski, hike, travel.  All those things get tiny scraps of my time now.

So my new vision is of my business running smoothly, just sailing along, while I stand at the helm with a cocktail in hand, a dreamy grin on my face as I gaze off into the setting sun....ha ha ha. Well, something like that, but just with more time to actually direct the business to achieve the goals that are really important to me. Like 1-having more personal time to just be me 2-having well-trained employees who love their job, are great at it, are able to continue to manifest the quality and love that I put into this business and who are paid well for their work 3-creating financial success so that we can get out of any and all debt and be able to move forward on more of our fiscal goals and still have plenty of money for staff and reinvestment and donations to good causes 4-having the time and energy to form this business into a powerhouse of creative energy that can help change the world in small but important ways, even if it is only in our circle of contact. Whehhh. That is just the beginning, but basically I just want more freedom to do the things I really excel at, and that will create more success internally and externally.  This is all the fault of the Goddess. She put me on this path, and after 8 years I am finally starting to understand and accept both my gifts and the areas I need to really work on.

Gifts. So many blessings in my life. I want so much to be able to give back in a meaningful way some of the things I have been given. Love, understanding, support, health, travel, adventure, education, opportunity, creativity, acceptance, friendship. That is my real purpose in life, to give back, to spread the joy, to bring beauty and connection into the world. Small and insignificant as I am, even these little things I do matter, because they feel so good.  Thank you thank you thank you!

Challenges!!! wow. ANOTHER learning experience???? It is amazing how efficient the universe is. If you don't get it the first time, its not long till its hitting you upside the head with yet another opportunity to GET IT TOGETHER ALREADY! Smack! Ok. So I am finally getting (just a little bit) wiser as I get older. That feels good. It makes the wrinkles worth it. Sometimes in the middle of a perceived disaster I still ask "why" but the answer is usually there, lurking, waiting for me to just see it. A ha! I need to be more aware, I need to set my boundaries, I need to communicate-not just expect people to be mind readers. I need to be kind, less judgmental, take time to take care of myself, take time to care for others.

What a mysterious journey this is. Scary sometimes, but I am learning to embrace the fear and soften it by trusting the process.

Just joined zaadz after seeing an ad in Utne (fabulous mag) and then doing an unrelated search for visionary business, conscious capitalism blogs on google.  There it was again!  A sign. So here I am too.  A small business owner, a concerned citizen of the world, a soft-hearted romantic who is distressed by the way capitalism is ruining our world.  But I love my work (more about that later) I love my business, I love my planet, my employees, my friends, my unborn children....got to do something!  So I have been studying "visionary business" and related concepts for 3 years now, slowly working them into my business and my life.  Because really it is all an internal, spiritual journey anyway.  Change yourself and you can change the world,  as they say.  I look forward to coming back in a few days and writing more and reading more of what others have to say.  Thank you for this space!